Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Was pretty surprised last year when Live Free or Die Hard turned out to be a fun movie. I was expecting a hackneyed, meandering, pointless attempt to rekindle a flame that extinguished 12 years ago, and, as it unrelt, I was glad to have brought some smores with my popcorn. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, unfortunately, quickly snaps its flint, and the residual warmth left over from The Last Crusade is doused in a misguided homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark. In the opening moments, we return to the warehouse where the Ark was placed at the end of Raiders and catch a glimpse of the Ark itself; Karen Allen is back as Marion Ravenwood, and it’s nice to see her again, but I would have preferred it if she'd been left out of the script entirely, since their reunion lacks every piece of feisty bravado that made their relationship the only one to stand out in the original trilogy (note how the Die Hard series avoided this temptation to its advantage). And speaking of characters who should have been removed from the script, whose idea was it to keep the insufferable 'Mac' George McHale (Ray Winstone)? He’s initially set up as a treacherous foe against whom Indiana must battle, but then he's transformed into comic relief that is anything but funny. I love red-herrings and things that don't really have anything to do with anything else. But there needs to be some kind of witty charm built into the purposeless purpose for this kind of plot device to work, and after hearing 'Mac' say 'Jonesy' for the 15th time I was ready to let a den of cobras fill me with poison before leaving me to be devoured by a pack of particularly sadistic hyenas. John Hurt's character (Prof. 'Ox' Oxley) is wasted as well and while Cate Blanchett (Irina Spalko) puts in a strong performance, I'm surprised she didn't bail after her first reading of the script.


But it's not all bad. Lucas and Spielberg keep the laughs coming throughout although their commitment to comedy ruins the adventure (which is why Raiders of the Lost Ark is so much better). It was cheerful and lovey-dovey to the point that I never felt the heroes were in any danger. Shia LeBeouf (Mutt Williams) staggers and stammers his way through a passable performance, but don't count on him taking over the franchise just yet.

One scene struck me as the antithesis to the ridiculous opening to James Bond’s Goldeneye, where Pierce Brosnan moves faster than gravity to catch up with a falling plane. While this scene ruined Goldeneye by directly turning Bond into an impossibility, the scene where Indiana survives a nuclear blast almost saves Crystal Skull, since it seems impossible but still maintains a resonant proportion of possibility (the realm wherein successful comic-book-fantasies thrive). Ridiculous but fun, not ridiculous and ludicrous.

Oh, and along racist lines, the ending of the film embraces the extremely racist theory that aliens taught the Incas and the Mayans everything they know. Note as well that no mention is made of Sallah (John Rhys-Davies), Indy's Arab friend, even though they could have easily brought him in for a cameo in the concluding moments. In a film that takes the time to pay tribute to Denholm Elliot (Marcus Brady) and Sean Connery while doing its best to throw in every little 'we're a loving family' moment it can, it’s odd that they wouldn't make one reference to Sallah (obviously he couldn't come along for the journey, they're in South America, not the Middle-East, but why wouldn't they bring him in for the ending? It’s like not having Robert Duvall in Godfather III).